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4 Peace of Mind for Your Aging Parents Tip-Offs: There are a lot of qualities that suggest Harriet is an amiable: winning smile, openness to everyone, comfortable gatherings in her home, nature lover, and being attracted to a powerful man. These combine to describe a woman for whom connecting with other people is crucial, and the fear of being abandoned is paramount. It is sad that her physical limitations make it so hard to satisfy her psychological needs. Sidebar 1.2B. Getting to Know You: Fred the Driver By the time he turned 84, Fred had become a handful for his family. Years ago, he had founded his own commercial cleaning business, which, under his forceful supervision, grew from 1 truck to 19. The business was his life, and he loved watching it thrive. It was a point of pride that his trucks always looked great, and his servicemen were known for doing everything right. No one would call Fred a pushover. A man who loved the rough and tumble of the marketplace, he was known as the “deal maker.” He competed ferociously, and he quietly enjoyed watching competitors go out of business. He made a lot of money and made sure he used it to make more. Above all else, he loved winning. As the years went by, Fred could feel his power slipping away. He sensed that some of his employees were taking advantage of him, and he didn’t feel the pride of ownership he once enjoyed. It wasn’t just his physical strength that was slipping away, but his business skills as well. He forgot to order supplies, and the service crews grew frustrated and disrespectful. He forgot to pay bills. And he fell for on-line offers that everyone else knew were surely scams. What made it especially hard for his family was that the more frail he became at work, the more forceful he would try to be at home. He would fly into a rage if someone dared to suggest that maybe he should turn the reins over to one of his sons, exclaiming, “I’ve forgot- ten more than you’ll ever know” or “Don’t you dare call me incompetent!” Tip-Offs: Fred is exhibiting plenty of driver traits: loves competition and vanquishing opponents, sees his business as a badge of honor, doesn’t worry a lot about stepping on toes, and rages at the very sug- gestion of incompetence. Fred is clearly a guy who values winning and fears failure.