Print

8 The Insightful Leader ability to make the tough calls. I justify my position for over ten minutes. Then, once the flight-or-fight adrenaline wears off, I am quiet. After a few deep breaths, my brain resurfaces the subconscious nudg- ing that something about what the head of our agency said is true. My subconscious knows that my previous argument was off topic—it’s not about being friends it’s about being friendly. The subconscious pokes me again. Whether I like it or not, there is truth in the statement. I am unfriendly. But I don’t want to be seen as unfriendly. I want to be seen as friendly. I don’t want to be seen as a dictatorial leader. I want to be seen as approachable. It’s my intention to be friendly, but let’s face it my intention doesn’t matter. I can argue for years about my intention, but it won’t change the perception. The perception is that I am unfriendly. I am unfriendly. I take a deep breath and say it again. I am unfriendly. I let that soak in. Crap. Here comes the disappointment, but now I’m aware it is disappoint- ment in myself. I could spend time feeling sorry for myself, but I’m too analytical for that. My brain has been trained to find the root cause. I start to dig. What am I doing that could create the perception in others that I am unfriendly? My subconscious chimes in, “You are so task oriented that you dive right into assignments. You don’t ask people how they are doing. Heck, you hardly say ‘hello.’ Instead, you start conversations with ‘Tell me where we are with this project’ or ‘I’ve got a new project for you.’ You portray that you’re all logic and process focused.” It feels a bit like I’m off-balance. I thought my results orientation, highly analytic mind, and ability to see the future and find the right path to reach it were qualities that got me promoted. I’m aware that these strengths can be my greatest attributes, but the feedback makes me mind- ful of how they are also a source of frustration to others. It is clear that there are unintended consequences of overusing these strengths. Double crap. I have to own it—I am unfriendly. Not all the time, but there are plenty of times I am unfriendly. Forget trying to protect my self-concept of being this effective, efficient, and approachable leader. Like the Hulk, my super- powers are on overdrive, and I’m leaving a path of destruction.