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Negotiating with kids can sometimes feel like stepping into quicksand. It can happen immediately and with little warning, and can be instantly overwhelming. It’s easy to lose your bearings and find yourself acting in ways you didn’t expect and don’t necessarily like, especially because everything keeps changing. While governments can decide on a “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” stance, parents who try the home version of “we don’t negotiate with toddlers or teenagers” will find that it’s not very practical. We spend an awful lot of time negotiating with our kids—over every- day requests, rules and policies, and big decisions. This book offers a chance to look more closely at what you already do well (and why) and what you can do better. It builds on both the science of negotiations and on the skills you already use in other areas of your life, so that you can navigate these interactions in a way you’re proud of. You want to move out of the quicksand and back to solid ground. Though it would be reassuring to have a specific list of things to do and say for each situation, that’s not realistic. No book, article, lecture, or specialist can provide an exact “do this!” when you face tough moments with any guarantee of it working. Parents and kids interact in truly unique ways, and nobody knows your kids better than you do. You’ve become the parent you are because of the children you are raising. What works in your family won’t necessarily work in ours and vice versa. However, running right alongside the unique aspects of your life at home are the commonalities that you share with so many other par- ents. From combing through the research on parenting and negotiations, and from speaking to hundreds of parents while writing this book, we Preface