Preface xiii by novice negotiators. When asked why he was there, he shared that he attended a similar training session every year. He said that it helped him do his job better to have regular reminders of what makes for an effective negotiation. It needs to be a habit, he explained. Otherwise, whatever you’ve learned will probably fly out the window when it really counts. Something that has been repeated often enough that it becomes the default for you to execute only comes with enough exposure. WHAT’S TO COME This book is divided into three sections, which together provide the es- sential steps for reaching an agreement with your kids. Step One is called “Cracking the Negotiations Code,” in which the lessons learned from the realm of professional negotiations are applied to the particular interactions between parents and children. In the first chapter, we provide an introduc- tion to the topic and a sense of scope about negotiations with kids, as over the course of the thirteen years between the ages of five and eighteen, par- ents spend approximately 468 full eight-hour days negotiating with them. That’s a lot of time! We also explain why it’s so hard to transfer the skills you may use repeatedly and successfully in other settings to life at home. Chapter 2 dives into the idea of preparing effectively for negotiations, and lays out the three questions that will most help you feel confident and be competent in the negotiation itself. Chapter 3 identifies the main strategic approaches available when negotiating with your children—using your power, creating and relying on rules and precedent, or seeking insight into the bigger issues important to you both. Step Two is called “Becoming a Master of the Moment” and analyzes particularly tricky events and interactions that can derail your best inten- tions. In this section, Chapter 4 lays out the most common tactics that kids use to try to get what they want so you can better see these coming and know what to do when they arrive. Chapter 5 explains some of the wide- spread predictable pitfalls that influence you without awareness and can disrupt your decisions. Chapter 6 then turns to the different roles you may be called on to play within family negotiations: teammate, coach, and judge. Finally, Chapter 7 explores the ever-increasing occurrence of com- municating and negotiating with kids via text instead of in person. Step Three is called “Bringing the Best of Yourself” and is focused on the elements that you, as an individual, bring to the proverbial table. Chapter 8 discusses the issue of emotions and how to manage the strong feelings that can cloud productive conversations. Chapter 9 talks about your personal style for handling conflict and communicating, and how choosing your language carefully can help you put your best foot for- ward. Then, Chapter 10 highlights the main points of each chapter and
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